My project and ideas are still evolving... and that's okay, right? Does the evolution of one's ideas really stop? It is the point of anything that evolves to continue growing, changing, and developing itself to meet its own needs, or environment in which it is intended to thrive. But hey, I'm no biologist or anthropologist. Just an ag teacher that likes to show kids how to show cows - more or less.
I feel guilty that I have been critical of American schools while I have been in The Netherlands. I have a a great deal of frustration at my country's system, as well as the leadership I have worked under in two different states (and fueled by the stories that I have heard from another state). I absolutely take ownership of my own shortcomings as well - and I understand the role that I have played in my frustrating circumstances with school leadership. This frustration is a small part of why I applied for Fulbright. I am not angry, instead I want to know how to do school better. I carry it with me, as if it is some artifact that I can pull out of my satchel and hold up and say "This! This is what I need to change!" When I go to schools and talk with teachers and administrators, all I can really do is say, "I observed this difference, and in my experience in America, I have seen this..." and it is inevitably less desirable than the Dutch way. But I don't hate American education, and I do want to continue working at my school - and if logistics worked out, I would return to my first school - because I want to be a part of making it better. It is not bad, it can just be better. There is absolutely room to change, evolve.
On a recent trip to another AERES VMBO school, I had a couple "aha!" moments. I realized what I could start giving back to Dutch education, and the strengths in both the American and the Dutch systems that could be shared. I think that the Dutch do an amazing job of creating systems to facilitate education and that the government provides very much for children and families. I think that the Americans do an incredible job at the classroom level. The Dutch model, as I have come to interpret it, sees the teacher as one tool in the greater system, to help students become self-sufficient and functional members of society. An incredibly large and important tool - but still, just one part of a greater whole. A downfall of the American system, which has thusly produced its greatest strength, is that so much rests on the teachers' shoulders and the individual school community. The American teacher is not just one piece of the puzzle. How has that made American education's greatest strength? The outcome is really incredible teachers that are thoughtful and creative while they provide rigorous and relevant education. That's my answer - Dutch systems, American practices. I want to offer the Dutch classroom strategies, lesson planning skills and the type of feedback a teacher would hope to receive from her supervisor. Make it relevant, make it rigorous, but don't take the fun out of it.
This Fulbright award has also been a time for understanding myself, and trying to make myself a better woman and teacher. I am in my eighth year as an educator; not quite a quarter of the way there, but long enough to "get it". I needed some time with myself to really understand that I need to take care of myself and my home in order to be effective in my career. As a young teacher, I was comforted by the idea that I could be a school marm, and that in my life, being a teacher was enough. Now that that is no longer the case, I have to see how I can fit my roles of wife, mother*, daughter, sister, and aunt alongside woman and teacher.
In 2013 I thought I was on a path to become a department leader at my first school, which required an additional degree. I applied for (and ultimately accepted, and graduated from) Columbia Teacher's College Summer Principals Academy, in the 2014 cohort. In this program, we built our own school and through that process I felt like I didn't need to just lead a program, but rather an entire school. Now, in my time to stop and reflect on the very busy three years since I completed that program, I realize that school leadership is not in my future. I won't rule it out - but it certainly is not for me anytime soon. I have realized just how much I need to take care of "home" first. I need to focus on the roles of woman and wife, and family member. Next, I need to focus on my role as teacher. I want to get my current program right and do that better. I was hired into a program that was in extreme disarray, but every program is able to change and evolve and get better. My two and a half years at my current school showed me just how naive I was in a leadership role. Being able to stop, step back, and reflect has helped me to understand my short comings and what I need to change. I have also come to realize that I don't have to burn it all down (figuratively! I am not an arsonist) to make it better. I need to fix that and make it right, before I can even consider leading a school.
As I develop these ideas of right and better, I am confident that what I take from the Netherlands will inform my roles, and having learned from the happiest students in the world, be reminded of the value of happiness in that picture. I hope that what I can provide for Netherlands education can be seen as a thank you for what the Dutch have given to me so far.
